Have you ever been thinking about your wife all day in ways that get you really excited? And when you come home, you want to take her into the bedroom right away - almost as soon as you step through the door?  But then eeeeeerrrr (sound of screeching tires) - she says "but you just got home - can't we talk first."  pblsssssss (sound of a balloon deflating).  Now you feel rejected - and so does she.  Not a good night for sex - anymore.

Men require just the thought of sex and the sight of skin and all systems are a go.  But women require an emotional connection.  So what she was really saying was (possibly) "hey, I'm glad to see you and I want to talk to you, feel close, and then take it slow and maybe we'll end up in the bedroom."  No obligation - otherwise that takes the fun out of talking.

Remember that you used to take lots of time to talk to her and woo her into your arms.  You were interested in what she had to say - maybe because it was interesting and maybe because you hoped the patient listening would pay off in bed.  But now you've been married a while, so you may think you can just have sex whenever you want - by right.  This is the way every adolescent boy thinks of marriage.  But this is not how a husband should think of marriage.

Take some time and make an effort to see that your wife really loves you.  That is why she wants to talk with you.  She wants to share and get to know you every day.  That is her motivation - not to put you off.  If you understand that, then you can slow the motor down and enjoy her company.  She should be your friend that you want to spend time talking to.  And she should be your lover that you take time to woo into bed and make love with.

Keep in mind that she may have a lot in her head.  If it's not clear, she's not going to be in the mood.  So create an environment where she can vent, talk and relax.  Then she can focus on you.

Of course, if you have children, this may be a little different - but the principal remains the same: she wants to connect with you on an emotional level.  It takes more work, but you can do it.