Want a Great Marriage? Many men gripe about their marriages. However: any man can have a great marriage - when he looks to himself for the changes. That was rather blunt; because it is true. When you try to change your wife expecting that her changes will make for a great marriage, you only build resentment on both sides. You build resentment in each of you for two reasons:
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You cannot change someone else - when you try, they resist and resent you.
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When you expect her to change and she resists, your expectation is not met and turns to resentment.
Now you have double resentment for all your efforts. So how on Earth can you make the relationship grow? (not change: grow)
This will sound really odd, but there is wisdom in these words: when you forget your needs and take care of her needs, your needs will be met.
Ask yourself this question: when you do something for your wife, what do you expect for it? For example, when you cook her a nice meal and clean the kitchen, and for unknown reasons she does not thank you and get all snuggly, do you get angry inside? If you get angry, you had an expectation that was not met. If you had an expectation, then you really honestly did not do it for her - you did it for what you would get. You did it for what you would get out of it.
Expectations can only lead to resentment. In addition, you anger will show through - which sends a message to her that you only did it for "one thing." So when you let go of expectations, you will also let go of your anger and resentment. Easy? No. It takes practice and effort.
Where does this come from? The bible speaks directly to this in several places:
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
~ Philippians 2:3-4
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... ... In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body.
~ Ephesians 5: 25-30
Husbands are to love and care for their wives as Christ loved and cared for the Church. How did Jesus Christ care for the Church? He says how in several places, but most succinctly here:
"... For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."
~ Mark 10:45
Want to make your marriage great? When you do something do it for her out of love - and do it for the good feeling you get from loving and serving your wife as a great husband. Be a great husband.
She will feel the lack of expectations. She will see the joy and love you have in doing things for her. She will feel safe and free within your marriage. And she will begin to grow. The marriage will begin to grow. Husbands are responsible for tilling the soil so the marriage can bear good fruit.
Again - remember: there is up-swing for you - - when you let go of filling your own needs (save taking care of yourself physically and emotionally via healthy habits) and focus on filling your wife's needs; your needs will be met. Cool, huh? This is the first step in how you can have a great marriage.