When you have two people living together and sharing everything, you are going to have conflict.  It is unavoidable.  However, conflict degenerating into a knock down drag out fight is completely avoidable.  It is all in how you react.  Not how she reacts - only you.  You cannot control her - you can only control yourself. 

The last time I had a fight with Dawn was when I was mad about her not doing something she always asks me to do.  And when I brought it up, she got defensive and irritated about it.  My "fairness meter" was buzzing like crazy - it's a trigger point with me.

So there I was - mad about an apparent injustice and she was there being mad at ME.  Ugh!  So I'm thinking about tearing into her, yelling, stomping off, etc. etc.  And that calm still voice inside said "calm down, there is something else at work here."  God was telling me to chill out and listen.  The question I asked myself was "what good will come of it?" - if I yelled, or did anything rash, that is.  The answer: NOTHING good.

"...everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry..."
James 1:19

So I waited and I listened.  And after we talked and talked, I discovered that she was feeling like she had nothing to herself at all - and it had been frustrating her for quite some time.  I was feeling the same way!  No space, no computer, no bathroom, no sink - nothing was our own.  And she wanted to be able to have a place or thing that she could leave in any state she cared to without having to worry about me. 

Of course, we are married, so that is a hard thing to find - your own space.  But it is important.  After all, "one flesh" does not mean "one person".  We are two different people, so we need some things or spaces we can call our own.

So - by waiting and asking "what good will come of it?" - I avoided a big fight and discovered a need that my loving wife has - as well as the same need in me.  So we are working on creating space for the individuals in the house - as well as the couple.  This how we made a positive outcome from conflict in marriage.