OK... I'm back - again.  Why the long absence?  The very short version: out of state funeral for my Grandma, son off to college, semi-vacation, side business, two little ones at home and a full time job.  I honestly do not understand how people can handle having more than three small children all in sports, clubs etc.  God bless you and keep you strong if you are one of those.

With life moving so fast, it is easy to get tired: very tired.  And when you're both tired and the house is a mess, it is especially hard to find energy for romance.  I have to admit: in the past two months I have not done anything "special" for my wife.  Of course, I am helping around the house, doing the dishes, sweeping, folding, yada yada yada - still serving and loving her, but nothing special - just keeping my head above water. 

So - how do I get out of this funk?  How can I get back to the spark, the youthful fun and that elusive in-love state that is so easily replaced by complacency and routine?  (Granted - it's only been a couple of months of this rut, but why would I let it go on any longer?)

Side note...  I have to say this: God bless my wife.  She has been wonderful to me - even though she is tired as well - we have been supporting each other through this.  I am so blessed to have her by my side.  Thank you, Lord!

These are the top ten things I am doing/planning - and you can do - to bring the spark and romance back into marriage (in order of importance):

1. Sleep.  Yes, I said sleep.  Romance requires energy.  I am useless when I am exhausted.  I am setting a time to turn off the TV - and more importantly for me: to turn off the computer.  An hour after that: bed.  I need 7 to 8 hours each night.  
   
   
2. Time to read.  I need to get back my time to read the Word.  When I am reading the Bible daily, things just get better all around.  If I am not sleepy, I can read.
   
   
3. Pray more together.  I need to pray more with my wife.  A recent poll showed that Christian marriages suffer the same 50% divorce rate as the rest of the world - BUT: Christian husbands and wives who pray together staye together 90% of the time - far better than the rest.
   
   
4. Time to talk.  That hour mentioned above - time to talk with my wife - about anything and everything.
   
   
5. Eat right.  I need energy for romance.  Not for sex - for romance.  I need to have energy to fuel the motivation and excitement behind coming up with and executing special plans for my wife.  So I need the right kind of fuel for my body and mind.
   
   
6. Exercise every day.  Of course, everything is better when you are fit - energy is better, mood is elevated, and romance is better.  I currently work out twice a week for a total of about 4.5 hours.  But adding just 15 minutes a day on my off days will keep my energy up and consistent all week.
   
   
7. Get things done.  With all this new energy, I can get things done - not crash on the couch.  30 minutes of intense cleaning a night during the week will free up at least one evening and the weekends for fun and family.  Free time and energy leads to romance.
   
   
8. Flirt.  Having energy and a boosted mood makes me want to flirt - with my wife of course.  I do it via love notes in e-mail and chat, since I work at a computer most of the day.  But I also send cards to her work and call her on my lunch break or on the way home just to say hi.  She likes that.
   
   
9. Give her time to relax.  How?  Give her a glass of wine or make her a bath or just get up and go.  On a couple of days, I will take the kids to the park or to the grocery store for an hour so she can decompress.  
   
   
10. Re-institute date night.  I think I can arrange for the kids to be watched every other Friday or Saturday.  Time for just the two of us away from the house and the kids is critical to our romantic health.
    
    

As I write this I am realizing that almost 50% of the items on list above are things I need to do to take care of myself.  Is that selfish?  No.  If I do not take care of myself, how can I take care of my family?  How can I lead if I am tired, depressed, worn out and unmotivated?  I cannot.  So I need to take care of myself.  I need to be healthy.  I need energy.  I can boost my wife's energy or I can drain it.  I would rather boost it.  And the romance will come back.

This is not theory: it is fact.  I have been doing this for quite a while now.  It works.  But God sometimes throws everything at you at once.  He uses trials make you stronger.  When you are having a hard time or are suffering, remember Romans 5:3-4: "...but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." 

So go through it and come out a better man.  You need to go through rain to appreciate and cherish the sun.