Bear with me here... When I tell people on forums and in my coaching that I have modeled my marriage after the Biblical picture of marriage, they usually roll their eyes.  I can imagine their picture of Biblical marriage: wife at home slaving over the stove with two babies at her feet.  When her husband comes home, she rushes to greet him and gets him the paper, sits him in an easy chair and gets dinner on the table.  After dinner he sits down to watch TV while she cleans, gets him a beer and takes care of the kids.  Wow.  Not exactly the best way to get your wife in the mood.

The reality is that the biblical picture of marriage is a perfect circle.  One where the husband leads, loves and serves his wife; where everything the husband does is for the benefit of his wife and the marriage.  And the wife respects and follows the husband's lead.  Where she provides for his needs and he provides for hers.  Biblical marriage is one where both the husband and wife treat each other as they would treat themselves.    (Ephesians 5: 22-33) And here's the interesting part - Biblical marriage provides for both husband and wife to be satisfied sexually. (1 Corinthians 7:1-5)

Since my wife and I became Christian and learned these things from Church and organizations like Family Life, things have gotten exponentially better.  I have made a huge change in my attitude: I no longer think of myself (at least I try not to) - I try to think of my wife; I do things for her just because I love her.  And she has done the same. 

We also no longer have as many conflicts due to role confusion - where we are both trying to be the head chef, so to speak.  Is my very intelligent independent self sufficient wife ok with this?  Yes.  Because she can see how the roles are equally important - they are just different. 

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker [physically] than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.  - 1 Peter 3:7 (NLT)

She knows I will be doing everything in my power to love, serve, honor, protect and provide for her.

If you are not Christian, I hope you can see the logic behind this picture.  You cannot have two people leading - then there is no leader - there is only conflict.  It's a beautiful circle: the man loves and serves the wife, the wife respects and follows the man - and both are sexually satisfied.