I mentioned in my last post that you must serve your wife as a loving husband. Does this mean you will wait on her? No. Does it mean she will lead you around like a puppy? No. It means you will give her attention and do nice things for her out of love for her. You will show your love for her in your temperament, and actions. Want to be the man of the house? Want to lead your household? Well, how can you be a man and the household leader if you are busy serving your wife?
Simple - it is a circle. The wife respects and submits to (meaning follows) the husband - he leads. But the husband loves and cares for the wife as he loves and cares for himself. He should give himself to his wife and serve her - thus the circle:
Both are equal, but both serve different rolls. They do not conflict, and are equally important. Together the two pieces make a complete puzzle. I did not come up with this. It is simply my way of explaining the following text:
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
~ Ephesians 5: 22-33
So - in this case, you are giving your self to your wife as Christ gave himself to the Church - yet as you are the leader to your wife, so was Christ the leader of the Church.
Trust me on this - it works! It works really well. This is the mindset you need. It will alleviate many of the causes of strife in your relationship - namely, the power struggles. Of course, it comes with responsibility and you need to honor it and not abuse it.
And the reality is that there are shady areas - for example, my wife does not like to cook - I do much of the cooking since I actually do like it. And I hate paperwork, so she has set up all the bills on auto bill pay and handles the filing. But over all, I lead and I serve - she respects and she follows. And we are happy. And we are passionate!
Share this with your wife. Help her understand the equality and the differences in the rolls. Give it a try. Work on it.