Talk about romance reduction: I have been working on... let's see... 3 websites, a six week product creation workshop, a new application for internet marketing, and a client's website.  All that along with doing some relationship coaching.  The result is that every night for a few days, Dawn has gone to bed well before I have.  I'm also up an hour erlier each day.  I am getting tired again. 

This is where I need to set some goals, stick to a time-line, make some sacrifices and make sure my wife understands what's going on.  I am happy to say that she supports my endeavors - because I am excited about it and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  So in the mean time, I am still carving out time to do some special romantic things for her - but not to the level that I would normally.  She totally understands.  Man, I appreciate her!   [Read More]

Dawn and I had a wonderful romantic anniversary last week.  It was the anniversary of our first date.  I wanted to do something nice for her and make it unique and special.  So here's what I did (she had no idea what I was up to):

I got off work early and had the children watched by Grandma and Grandpa for the night.  I got four bunches of flowers and cut off the flowers on three of them.  I laid out the flowers from the entry way, down the hall and on the bed (which I had made after I cleaned up the room).  I know what you're thinking: "then he was in the bedroom with candles blah blah blah."  No - I was not even home by the time she arrived.  On the bed I left her a romantic note about the first time I saw her.  It was on a sexy dress I know she likes to wear.  It said to be ready by 6:15, when I would pick her up.

I rang the doorbell at 6:15 and had the remaining bunch of flowers for her.  I picked   [Read More]

I'm trying to get back to a more romantic mode after a couple month dry spell.  Why is it so easy to get into a bad habit?  And so hard to break it?  Last week I wrote out a 10 step plan to get back on track with romance and doing special things for and with my wife.  The first item was to get more sleep so I would have the energy I need to focus on her.  Then there was exercising more, taking an hour for just the two of us each night, etc.  Well... bad habits are easy to form and really hard to break.

I am frustrated with myself because although I took the first step of writing down my goals, that is where it ended.  I haven't done anything else on my list.  In just two months we have collectively formed some really bad habits.  [Read More]

OK... I'm back - again.  Why the long absence?  The very short version: out of state funeral for my Grandma, son off to college, semi-vacation, side business, two little ones at home and a full time job.  I honestly do not understand how people can handle having more than three small children all in sports, clubs etc.  God bless you and keep you strong if you are one of those.

With life moving so fast, it is easy to get tired: very tired.  And when you're both tired and the house is a mess, it is especially hard to find energy for romance.  I have to admit: in the past two months I have not done anything "special" for my wife.  Of course, I am helping around the house, doing the dishes, sweeping, folding, yada yada yada - still serving and loving her, but nothing special - just keeping my head above water.    [Read More]

 So: how can this little stamp be considered romantic?  Good question.

Yesterday, I was talking with Dawn about her new natural baby products website.  She already had two orders for cloth diapers and was excited about it.  She wanted to ship the product out in used packaging as a part of her recycling efforts.  I mentioned that I thought the packaging looked really unprofessional - it had old tape on it and you could see where the old label had been peeled off.  Then I said "it'd be cool if you had a stamp that said ‘Recycled Packaging."  She agreed.

Later I had to   [Read More]

Actually, the flowers are not the main point of my romance endeavors today, but since a really nice bouquet of flowers is really expensive, I thought I'd also share a little tid-bit to save you some money in your next romantic endeavor.

The problem is that the pre-arranged flowers from the grocery store, although they will work for last minute romance, look kind of cheap.  They have that funky colored paper around them and sticky price tags that you have to cut out of the plastic wrapping (not very romantic looking).  I usually take them out of the cheap wrapping and put them in a vase before presenting them to my wife for a romantic surprise.

Here's what you do to save money and end up with a quality romantic flower bouquet:

Go to the local mid to high end grocery store - one with a floral counter - get a nice big pre-arranged bunch and take it to the floral counter.  Buy a couple of green fern stems and ask the person at the counter to re-wrap them in clear plastic (with the additional fern stems in back) and tie a matching bow around them.  Also ask for the new price tag separately - go and pay while the clerk does the wrapping.

Today's bouquet ended up being a really big bunch - it covered half my coffee table.  The cost: $14.99 + 1.00 for the fern + 1.00 for the re-wrap and bow.  At a florist, this size bouquet would easily cost about $50.00.

The result (the pic doesn't do the flowers justice):

It put a smile on her face!  Oh - and what did I do for Dawn today?  I had the day off and didn't tell her.  Before lunch I told her to go to a nice sushi place near her work for a surprise.  Since I am normally at my office about 25 miles away from her work, she assumed I had arranged for a friend of hers to meet her for lunch.  When she got there I was waiting with the giant bouquet of flowers.  Nice surprise.  We had a great romantic lunch!

Something I have discovered that works really well is to break out of the routine.  The other day, Dawn was working on the computer and I was taking care of the children to give her the time to get some work done (we swap these roles when I am working on my projects).

It was a beautiful day outside so I invited her to come out in the backyard with us.  She insisted that she needed to work.  About five minutes later I suggested that she take a short break - she said she couldn't.  At that point I insisted: the work would still be there when she came back.  I playfully took her hand and firmly lead her outside.  She relented with an "Ok - but just for a little bit."

We ended up forgetting about work, cleaning, and all the usual junk.  We played with the kids - Frisbee, catch, etc. We enjoyed watching the baby explore and had a really nice chat about stuff and junk.  It was great.  I am not sure how long we were out there, but we didn't go in until the sun went down and the mosquitoes came out: about an hour or two.  When we got back inside, Dawn decided that she could just do the work the next day.

The rest of the night felt different.  We were both less stressed and felt like it was a weekend - but it was a Tuesday.  She was relaxed - a very good thing.

The next day we went out front to fly toy balsa wood airplanes for a while.  Again - we ended up very relaxed and the evening felt different. 

So the key is to remove yourself and remove your wife from the routine.  It may feel abrupt, and she may resist, but you can kindly insist.  It interrupts your brain's expectations.  When you follow your routine, time slips by fast because your mind knows what's next - it just goes through the paces.  Interrupt the routine and your mind has to stop and take in the new unfamiliar situation. 

When your mind has to stop and absorb something new, time seems to slow down; and it feels like you had an entire day in just an hour.  You and your wife and your family can feel connected.  This kind of relaxation and connection, by the way, can do wonders for your wife's passion and libido.

Ok, men: this may sound crazy to you.  This might sound like a scene from a chick flick.  But, if you think about it, women love chick flicks for a reason: they want that kind of romance; that kind of feeling.  This is so simple, it's ridiculous.  To her it is very romantic.  Does it matter if it seems romantic to you?  No - it only matters that she thinks it's romantic.

It is simple: brush her hair for her.  No, I'm not talking about just running a comb through her hair as she stands by the sink.  I'm talking about this: after you're both ready for bed, get out her favorite brush (watch which one she uses in the mornings for a hint) and ask her to sit in front of you on the bed.  "Why?" she will ask: because you want to brush her hair for her you will say.  She will probably be in shock or wonder what's up - just tell her that you want to try something new for her.  And be sure to tell her there are NO strings attached (and stick to that).  Then she can just relax and enjoy your touch.

Just sit behind her and run the brush through her hair from the crown of her head to the ends of her hair.  Never go over the same spot more than twice in a row.  She'll love it!  If you add following each brush stroke by running your fingers from under her hair to kind of lift it up, she'll really love it! 

Just sit behind her and listen to her when she tells you harder or softer.  You may be surprised at how long just sit there and love it (you can usually tell by the sighs of relaxation) - just be patient - after about 5 to 10 minutes, put the brush down and gently run your fingers through her hair from crown to ends once and giver her a kiss.  If she keeps kissing, great - if not, let her enjoy a relaxed night's sleep.  Remember: you're filling her emotional libido tank.  And this kind of romantic gesture makes a big deposit.

I did this the other night.  The result: she was so relaxed you'd think she just got back from a long vacation.  She turned and kissed me and well... it was a good night.

Romance is not just the candles and the dinners and the dancing in the living room.  Romance is also the little things that she notices you have done for her.  My favorite kind of romance is the change-up.  Just when she thinks "awww, that is so sweet," she finds out that there is more to come; and then more, etc.  This is subtle and simple, but it makes her take pause to appreciate you.  It is subtle romance that when intermingled with the big surprises and the nice things you do every day that will really make her see that you love her - she will feel it deep inside and then her libido will get that spark it needs.  What you want is for her to think of you in the middle of the day and smile - that kind of feeling is priceless to her.

Here is an idea you can use to give her 10 days of romance for about $15.00.  Go out and buy 5 bottles of fragrant hand soap for your (and her) bathroom (about $3.00 each on sale).  Seriously: soap.  I got mine at Bath and Body works.  I test smelled each bottle in the store and chose the ones with the most romantic smells.  For example: the cucumber version smelled like a salad - not so good - but the cucumber melon version smelled really fruity and fresh - a winner.  Here is what I settled on: Cucumber Melon, Sensual Amber, Brown Sugar and Fig, Tropical Passionfruit and Country Apple.

Next, just replace your boring hand/face soap with one of the new scented soaps.  Hide the other four.  Don't say anything.  The next morning, she'll most likely notice the new scent.  And she'll probably say something like "wow, this smells good - that was nice, hunny."  The next day she'll notice again.  But by the third day, it will be "the norm" - she'll be used to it.  So don't let her get used to it.  Switch the current scent with once of the hidden scents and hide the first one.  Don't say a word.

She'll notice again.  "Wow, this is really nice smelling."  Two days after: move to the next scent.  She'll notice again.  By now she may have caught on to what you're doing.  My wife kept going for about 3 switches before she realized why each day the soap smelled so good and she never got used to it.  We had a good laugh about it.  And she thought it was really nice. So - I keep switching every now and then and she notices - but she doesn't always say something.  That's cool, though.  I know she appreciates it.  ;-)

NOTE: if you use the same soap I did (Bath and Body Works anti-bacterial hand soap), do NOT use it as a body soap in the shower.  It is best for just your hands and face.  If you use it in the shower, the anti-bacterial properties will upset the balance of skin surface bacteria in places like your arm-pits and groin.  And you will actually start to stink - bad.  Just hands and face.  There ARE body shower soaps you can do this with, by the way - and it's equally effective - if she likes showering with scented soaps.

Valentine's Day is only two weeks away and it's time for some romantic Valentine's Day ideas.  If you have not done so already, now is a good time to begin thinking about what you plan to do for your wife.  This may not be a big day as far as you're concerned, but believe me: it is a big deal to her.  And guess what?  If it's a big deal to her - then it should be a big deal to you.

Don't Be Average 

The average Valentine's Day ideas consist of some flowers, chocolates, and/or a card.  Most women are happy with flowers, a box of chocolates and/or a card.  If I wanted to be like the average husband, I would probably get her just that.  However, I do not want to be like the average husband - I want a really good romantic Valentine's day idea - I want to be the guy she tells all her friends about and they say: "wow, you're so lucky, Dawn - I wish my husband would do that."  I want my wife to feel really special.  And I want to do it without any strings attached.

How I Screwed Up a Romantic Valentine's Day Idea 

If you have expectations, you will pour on the pressure and suck her libido dry. Let me tell you a little story: two years ago I went all out with the dinner, the flowers (everywhere), the candles and the expectations.  We were in the middle of a remodel and the fireplace was all torn up.  But no matter - I "beautified" it:

The whole room was similar.  Nice set up.  She was really surprised!  But when we snuggled in front of the fireplace, she got really tense.  She knew what I expected because I was pretty obvious (doofus).  And with all this stuff around her she felt pressure not just to make love - but to really "perform".  So things were tense - not so great.  But in the end, we had a nice evening.  If I could do it over with what I know now, I would be sure to tell her right from the start that I would be really happy with just snuggling and didn't expect anything - I would have assured her that it was for HER - and there were no strings attached.  If she knew I was sincere, there would have been no pressure, which would have increased her libido.  Ironically, without the pressure, she probably would have been all over me - but who knows?

No Pressure = Better Romance 

So: drop your expectations when you execute your romantic Valentine's Day idea and consider that nothing sexual may come of the night - in fact count on it NOT happening in your mind.  Do this for her and only for her.  Make her feel special and enjoy her being happy.  Let her call the shots, so to speak - and be happy no matter the outcome.  But know this: reduced pressure will increase her libido - it's an indirect relationship.

This year, Valentine's day falls on a Thursday.  Not so great.  So it is even more likely that she will just want to snuggle and fall asleep.  If you want to do something that takes the entire evening, tell her in advance that you want to celebrate Valentine's day on Friday (but still get her flowers on Thursday - because the actual day matters - don't ask me why - just trust me).

Romantic Valentine's Day Ideas

Of course, with all the Valentine's Day ideas below, flowers are a must - so just about everything involves flowers.  In fact - no matter what you do, spring a little cash if you have it and have flowers delivered to her in the middle of the day - if she works, then she'll love when everyone compliments her on her flowers.  You don't have to spend $75 on a dozen red roses - why be so predictable?  Get her something pretty, but not typical.

Now to some Valentine's day ideas:

1. The standard: have flowers delivered to her at home/work.  And get her a card and some candy.
2. Make (or buy) a nice candle-light dinner and have flowers for her when she gets home.
3. Take her out to dinner and pre-arrange for flowers and a card to be at the table when you get seated.
4. Have a picnic on the floor in your living room - complete with blanket, basket, flowers and dessert.
5. Drive to an overlook, look at the city lights - bring some strawberries and Cool whip for a snack.
6. Drop by unexpected to her work for lunch - wear your best suit and personally deliver flowers to her and then take her to lunch. You may pre-arrange with her boss/coworkers to make sure she's there.
7. If she works, arrange with her boss for her to have a half day off - then pick her up as above but go somewhere fun after lunch.  If she doesn't work, then you take half a day - but you have to be sure one of her friends is able to make sure she's home.  And of course, you may or may not need to arrange babysitting.
8. Rent a chick flick she likes or wants to see, get some pop-corn and a warm blanket - snuggle up and watch the show.  (of course, don't forget the flowers)
9. Buy her a nice gift and present it to her in a creative way, like if you go out to dinner, having a waiter bring it out with the food. (yeah - I know - it's been done... but it works - the point is: surprise her with something out of the ordinary)
10. Have the kids watched overnight and go on a one and a half day getaway.
11. Take half a day off and clean the entire house.  Light candles and some incense and have some nice music on when she gets home (if she doesn't work - have a friend take her out or send her to a day-spa for a couple of hours).  Draw a nice bath for her.  Lay out some nice clothes on the bed that you want her to wear.  Tell her to be ready by a certain time.  Leave.  Call her 10 minutes before the time and see where she's at.  Try to arrive about 2 to 5 minutes after she's ready.  Ring the doorbell and have some flowers ready.  When she answers, present the flowers and take her on a date (or stay in for a date).

These are just a few ideas - of course, you can do the dinner and relaxation massage or any number of things, but this should get your mind moving.  Be original.  If you have no clue, ask a friend's wife for ideas or get a book with ideas.

Oh - and a good snack idea (if you both drink occasionally) is to get some strawberries, cool whip and Champaign.  Cut one strawberry in half and put each half in a glass of Champaign.  It's really good to snack on it after you finish the glass.

Start planning now.  The more you plan, the more special she will feel.

Well, the best laid plans of mice and men...  Things did not go as planned but the plan worked out fine.  What do I mean?  Things change.  Circumstances come up.  You have to be flexible and think on your feet.  Things went wrong and I dealt with them to make a perfect evening for my wife.

First, I was unable to get off work as early as I wanted.  So I called my 16-year-old and asked him to set the table and clean up the kitchen.

I picked up 3 bunches of flowers and some wine.  I stopped by the restaurant and picked up the food, went to the drugstore to get bubble soap (I realized we were out).

I had 45 minutes to clean up the bedroom, bathroom and tub.  This was a BIG rush - but I was on a mission. 

I cut the flowers and hid them in the closet with a glass and the bubble soap.

Dawn got home early - so the bath was not going to happen first because I could not get it all ready - no problem - while she got into more comfortable clothes my teenage son and I fixed the food up and heated it and put it on the table.

After dinner, I set up the bubble bath while she fed the baby.  She got to relax in the tub while my teenager did the dishes and my 4-year-old and I cleaned the kitchen and front living room.

About 10 minutes into her bath, I brought her this dessert and a coffee to have in the tub.  She loved it!

Earlier in the day, Dawn pulled something in her back and she was in pain - so a romantic sensual touch massage was not in the picture anymore.  It was going to be a deep tissue massage with oil and the works.

We got to bed WAY later than I wanted.  I set up the bed for her massage while she fed the baby and put him down for the night (which was now going to be a deep tissue massage with oil).

She got a 20 minute massage with a soft touch at the end and then we went to sleep.  I handled feeding the baby that night and ended up not being able to sleep.  So today I am dead tired - but I am "manning up" and handling it... happy in the knowledge that she is super appreciative, less stressed, less tired and her "emotional libido" batteries are charged even more.