When dealing with the female libido, we men have a hard time thinking outside of our paradigm. If you start touching your wife, you think she should respond the way you would if she touches you. But the female libido does not work this way.
If you're sitting on the couch and your wife suddenly slides her hand to your inner thigh and onward, you're probably going to be ready to drop everything, take her to the bedroom (or just start wherever you are) and make love with her. That's sums it up for many men. Men have about two buttons. Women have many more.
However, if you're watching a movie and out of the blue, YOU slide your hand up her thigh, you can bet she will be less than ready to go. It is obviously much more complex for a woman to get turned on [more] for making love. You need to fill her needs.
The top four female libido enhancers are:
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Feeling loved
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Feeling wanted
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Feeling safe and secure
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Romantic anticipation and excitement
If you want her libido to be at a high point tonight, take care of all the above… here's what I suggest…
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Let her know in advance. Be playful about it. And exercise tact. Start in the morning by giving her a really tender and passionate kiss good bye (not deep, just passionate). Tell her you wish you had time to kiss her more, but you have to go – let her know that you will be thinking about her all day long.
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Send her a message via e-mail, cell text or IM chat. Tell her you keep thinking about that kiss and how you look forward to seeing her tonight. Tell her you cannot wait for the kids to go to bed.
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When you get home, give her another passionate kiss hello. Try to remove as much stress factors as you can. Remember that stress drives the female libido into the dirt. Clean up a little – do some dishes – and make sure she sees you doing it. But don't say a word unless she asks – then tell her you just want to make her evening a little more relaxed.
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Spend some time outside just talking with her. Try not to get on work subjects or home project subjects. Sit close to her and hold her hand. Listen to everything she has to say.
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If you have kids, after they go to bed, keep the TV off – tell her you want to spend some time with her. If she drinks wine, get a glass and invite her into the bedroom. Chat, kiss, etc. Don't be pushy, take time and get her really warmed up. After a bit, she'll be taking you for a ride.
Note: remember – never have "expectations" – nothing is a sure bet. She may have something else stressful going on in her head. However, doing these things will bring her around eventually. When you show disappointment, all the effort will be for nothing – she will feel like you "only did it for sex." Do it out of love for your wife. The sex is the icing on the cake. Your goal is to foster the top four things her libido thrives on over the long haul: feeling loved, feeling wanted, feeling safe and secure, and romantic anticipation and excitement. You should also feed her emotional libido to further get her libido on the rise.
Try it. Your wife will appreciate the day long romance – and you will appreciate the spike in her libido.