Once my wife specifically told me that on a special day: "You don't need to get me anything." Of course I replied that I would most certainly get her something. She insisted. "Seriously, we need to save money – I don't need anything," she said. Again, I said no way. She really, really insisted. Thinking I was respecting her wishes, I agreed.
The day came and went. She was disappointed, but tried to hide it. I asked why… "well, it's always nice to get something, even a little thing." Argh! What? I laughed about it, but inside I felt jilted. I thought it was really unfair and sort of dishonest. I felt like I stepped into a trap. But she was not using it against me in any way – so there must have been something more to it…
I puzzled over this on and off for about two years. I was discussing the matter with a friend today. I think I hit on it. Women don't want you to do things out of obligation – they want you to do things out of love. So – by lifting the obligation away, I would have only acted out of love. Of course, men are logical and recognize respect as important. So my effort was to "respect" her wishes.
Women, on the other hand, recognize love as important. And by "respecting" her wishes, I ended up not showing her love. Dang those pesky differences! She was attempting to make a space free of obligation where I could act from my own love and desire to please her – and I missed the boat entirely.
I said all that to say this: Valentine's day is 10 days away… no matter what she says, what you do matters. So do something and do it out of love. Check out my Valentine's Day ideas to get your mind moving. I'll be posting more ideas when I have more time.