I have been reading a few forums over the past few weeks relating to marriage issues. I have been trying to offer advice and help to a few husbands that have wives who have lost their libido. In the process I am realizing a number of things. Some people just want to rant and complain without taking any responsibility for their part. Marriage is a two way street and we men are charged with the duty of leading our families and keeping the marriage healthy. But so many men think that simply cleaning up after themselves or doing home improvement is enough. Granted: it is important to do those things; but being a man is more than just doing manly things. It is learning how to love your wife the way she needs to be loved.
I need to make a disclaimer – not all the men with marital issues are completely at fault. There are some really emotionally hurt women (through trauma or abuse or upbringing) out there who need help with their issues. And those women have their issues unrelated to their husband's actions.
But even without such emotional issues, the fact is that Sometimes there are physical circumstances that prevent a woman from being "turned on" sexually. She may have hormonal issues, be on medication, or have physical issues that prevent her from feeling the desire for sexual stimulus or an orgasm.
She may have no sexual libido. But she may have emotional libido. In many cases the husband wonders what happened to his wife's libido when it is really because of his lack of understanding of what she needs. A man has to feed his wife's emotional libido before her sexual libido will kick into gear.
What is emotional libido? Emotional libido is the woman's desire to be close and intimate with her husband because she feels emotionally close to him. It has nothing to do with sexual desire or being turned on sexually. A wife who has a healthy emotional libido will want to be as close as possible to her man – in spite of a lack of sexual desire. She will want to please her man and make love with her man for his satisfaction – because she is satisfied emotionally. It is the man's job to feed her emotional libido.
How do you feed your wife's emotional libido? Spend time with her. Talk with her. Listen to her. Lovingly serve her. Think every day of things you can do to make her smile. Romance her. Build her trust in you. Focus your mind on all the things you love about her (make a list and read it every morning). Make her feel beautiful. Love her with all your heart. Show affection to her. Make it your goal in life to lavish love on her and always be there for her. Fill her emotional tank to overflowing and she will want to be as close to you as she can possibly be.
iam not getting orgasm last 15years of married life
my husband is not happy with me can i have an orgasm at this age
of 40yrs
i think i am faulty
plz help
It sounds like you could be feeling a lot of pressure to do so and also that you may have an issue with your self-esteem. You are not faulty! You need to unlearn what has made you feel broken. You need to learn to relax your mind so that you can let go. Of course, that is much easier said than done. You and your husband need the tools to pull your marriage out of this long rut! Please get help from a qualified sex therapist. My wife and I went to one. At first we were both thinking all these strange thoughts about what it would be like to see a sex tharapist. We also felt bad about having to go in the first place – but when you need help, you need to suck it up and go get help! After our first appointment, all our funky preconceived notions were dispelled. After a few weeks, our intimate relationship improved, and now, several years later, things are great! Give yourself time… take baby steps – but once you start, always move forward.
If you are stressed about it, then you are going to have a hard time, which leads to more stress, and the vicious cycle continues. Break the cycle! Get help asap!
We are all beautiful in God’s eyes. See yourself through God’s eyes for the beautiful woman you really are. You can do it – but you need guidance…