Did having kids kill the passion? If it didn't, you're lucky (and probably not needing to read stuff like this). With 1 or 2 or 3 or… ugh – are you crazy? – little people depending on you and your wife for everything from food and clothing to play time and discipline, it is no surprise that there may be little left over for passion. A quick rundown of what you're dealing with (not to rub it in, but here you go):
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No time. By the time you get home from work, say hello, deal with homework, have play time, get dinner done, get them ready for bed, put them in bed, provide the 9th water / check my closet / "I'm still hungry" / "read me a story" request, you and your wife are beat! Then you pay bills, etc., sit down for some TV and BAM! Before you know it the day has gone and its time for mommy and daddy to go to bed.
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No energy. See above!
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Too many demands. See above!
Now – with no time, no energy, and so many demands, how can you and your wife make an emotional connection? She needs an emotional connection to you to feel close and feel passion and desire for you. No connection, no passion. Where's the energy for your wife to stay fit or get fit (which would help her body image and thus increase her libido)? Where's the energy for her to muster up some desire?
Of course, you're superman. If she shows up in a teddy and has that "look" in her eye, you are up and ready to go – just what you need to get all the stress out of your system! It would be nice if women dealt with stress the way we do. But God wants us to learn patience, selflessness, kindness and grace. We can only learn this from adversity and challenges. Dang!
So – here is the challenge: how do you take the energy you would have put into sex and direct it towards your wife in other ways? You create pockets of time for her to rest. You make moments to connect.
Here's a stretch (for me, anyway): get organized!
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Set time aside each week to go through all the bills – in the mean time: don't touch them.
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Set strict rules on TV time. Pick a small handful of shows to watch. If you can, get a digital recorder and watch only recorded shows; then you can skip over commercials.
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If you find yourself searching for "something" to watch, turn it off.
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Eat dinner at the table and talk to each other. Make a rule that kids are included, but they need to be quiet and wait their turn if mommy and daddy are talking (my 4 year old has been on a few timeouts and doesn't disrupt nearly as much anymore.)
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When the kids go to bed, take your wife outside and just look at the starts holding hands. Or put on some nice music and invite her to sit and enjoy a drink with you – just chat.
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Offer to take the kids a couple times a week so she can go do something she enjoys (encourage something active).
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Get active together as a family – instead of turning on the TV to unwind, go for a walk right after work or after dinner to unwind.
These are all ways to make time for each other – to connect – and to spend quality time as a family. If you make a couple dents in your schedule for time with your wife and make them high priorities, then you and your wife will not feel so tired – you will gain some of your lost time back. With the connection and the appreciated rest, your wife's libido will return along with her passion.