Did you know that women talk to each other about their husbands? Of course you did. Well, when they talk, some will be complaining and others will be bragging. You want to be the husband of the wife who is bragging, believe me! My wife's friends are all jealous of her – and she loves it. It makes her feel giddy inside. She shows it. She is passionate.
So make it your goal to show your wife you really know her. As she begins to feel you really know her down to her little idiosyncrasies, her passion for you will grow. As passion grows, so does libido. To show her you know her, you need to know how your wife thinks – what makes her tick – what does she like and dislike. How do you do this? Listen. And ask.
Listen to her when she is telling you about her day and the people in her life. She'll talk about how sweet and wonderful it was that somebody did or said certain things. If she drops a bomb and says anything like "I wish SOMEBODY would do that for me" or "wouldn't THAT be nice" – don't get angry – don't be insulted – that is what you want to know. You can also get hints from seeing how she reacts to movies and tv shows (just to get ideas to spring off of).
You can always ask. Do so in the context of a conversation. Things you want to know are:
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Favorite flower
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Favorite color
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Favorite food (at the time)
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Blah blah blah – actually, what's more important is that you know what kinds of things she likes. Little things show that you know her.
For example, 6 months ago, I got my wife a hot dog and put catsup on it. She hates catsup on hot dogs and I spaced out on it. She mentioned it at the time and proceeded to scrape the catsup off and put mustard on it. No big deal. BUT - when I mentioned that I was writing this entry, she brought up the catsuped hot dog. That little bit of "not knowing her" stuck in her mind. (by the way – she likes mayo on her sandwiches and NOT mustard).
So I try to make things the way I know she'll like them. Not that she would complain – she'd still appreciate the effort. But when it's done just right (4 tsp of sugar in 1 ½ cups of her favorite coffee with enough cream), she notices. More importantly, she feels like I really know her and I really listen to her. So – for example – when she orders at a restaurant, I try to remember what she prefers – how she like things made. I suggest you start doing the same. Pay attention – listen. It is a small investment of effort that will pay off big later.
So you should really know:
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What style foods she likes – more importantly, what she cannot stand
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If she hates fish but loves beef – or visa versa (you get the point)
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Know what she likes on her sandwiches – does she hate mayo? Does she always get pickles and hate onions
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How she takes her coffee
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What she likes on her salad – what kind of dressing she likes
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What kind of cookies she likes
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If she likes alcohol, know what she like in wine, beer, coolers, and how to make her favorite drink
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And so on…
This is not hard, but it takes a little practice and there will be mess-ups. Keep it in perspective and laugh about your mistakes with your wife. Learn about your wife. Of course, it's not only what she likes, but how she feels and her opinions on various subjects. Getting to know these aspects of your wife just takes really listening to her – and talking to her. So shut off the TV and start talking. But, for now, back to what she likes…
Something I learned is that the way I like to be shown love may not be the way she likes to be shown love. The same may go for you. The language of love, so to speak, may be different for both people. It may be that you love to get gifts, so you buy your wife gifts to show you love her. But she may need you to DO nice things for her, not GET nice things for her. So she says you don't show her love and you're completely confused: "but I got you all this pretty stuff." It's because she is speaking one love language and you are speaking another that she doesn't equate to love. There is a really good book called The Five Love languages that covers this in detail. It has saved me a lot of trouble.
Now – go get to know your wife a little better.