Sex is a God given right and gift. Human beings are set apart from animals with regards to sex because we don't just do it for procreation; we do it for pleasure, emotional fulfillment and a connection to our spouse.
Note: I understand that many people choose to have sex outside marriage and I cannot condemn or judge that choice. In the past, I did it. But I can tell you that I have regrets for not waiting for marriage. Hindsight is 20/20 – and it would have been better to have waited. I'm not going to go into that right now – but I wanted you to know that I am choosing to write this from the perspective of sex in marriage. Other preferences and lifestyles are not for me to judge or comment on – you are adults and can choose for yourselves.
If it is not specifically prohibited (eg: an affair, animals, causes harm to someone's body), anything sexual within marriage is acceptable: any position you like, oral, manual, intercourse, if you want to swing from the chandelier – it's all good. The image of puritan Christian sex only in the missionary position for the rest of your life is just not right. Seriously. Have fun! Be adventurous! Enjoy your wife! Make her sexual fantasies come true – let her make yours come true.
But how do you get there? How do you get your wife to WANT YOU?
The best path to making your wife want you is not a straight line. It is more like a mountain road chock full of stuff you have to avoid. The main thing is that she has to trust you. And of course, you need to make her feel special; let her know she really is your true love; let her know she is the most beautiful woman in the world to you; and let her know you have eyes only for her and give your heart to her – and be HONEST when you are doing this.
You also have to be a man. That means leading and being strong - all the while loving and serving your wife. Strength is sexy to women – not physical strength (although it doesn't hurt), but mental strength – make decisions, stick up for yourself, be dependable, be strong enough and have courage to be open and vulnerable to her.
(Note: There are a lot of points to be made on this subject, so forgive my if I jump around a bit. I will be covering them all in detail over time.)
This is a serious redoubling of your commitment to her and to your marriage. You have to be open to her which means you have to be vulnerable to her. This can be scary. But if you want her passion to grow freely and if you want her to expose her inner desires to you, she has to know that you are willing to open yourself to her and accept her 100%.
I've been surprised to hear my wife say "would it be ok if we (fill in the blank)?" I think: "you don't even have to ask – YES! That would be great!" And I wonder how much she wants that she is not telling me about. There is a real sexual person under that innocent exterior. You want your wife to show you her inner sexual desires. But she has to TRUST you 100%. She has to know that you will not: laugh, sigh, get angry, run away, judge, condemn, or shame her. She needs to feel safe. She needs to trust you and to feel trusted.
So – let's take this one step at a time in the next few posts:
Let her know:
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That she can trust you
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That she's special
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She's your one true love
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She's Beautiful
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She has your heart
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Ba a man
You wife not only needs to be told these things, she needs to feel them and believe them. She needs to know that you are being honest and true when you tell her and show her through your actions that these things are for real and true. It's not a simple thing – you have to change your mindset. Once you change your way of thinking, and your actions – and reactions – will follow.