I originally put the explicit sexual tips section in this blog because I found that a lot of men were searching for specifics regarding technique.  I did it to get some more traffic (give 'em what they want / sex sells).  The pages still exist, but I am removing the links to them from the left nav and the blog. 

Why?  Because after much reflection and an conviction, I believe from God, I feel that such tips are better left off of public viewing here and kept in other books or websites, which I have mentioned here and will do so at times in the future.  People may still find links to the two explicit tips articles I wrote elsewhere on the net, but on the Ignite Her Passion blog itself, they are gone - I would rather IHP be something I would not be embarrassed to have my mother or father read.

I do not have time now, but the left nav section will be changed soon as well - to what, I do not know yet.  No more selling out to the masses for traffic, it was a lapse in judgment on my part.

So - as I move forward I hope that some husbands out there get some useful information on how to change their marriages and possibly their lives for the better.  I sincerely hope that you can get something you can take to heart and bring into your marriage about romance, attitude, and loving your wife for who she is: a special gift in your life.

God bless...

My wife sent me a link to an article about why nice guys are unappealing to women.  It's pretty good - see: Dating Secret Exposed: Why Nice Guys Finish Last on Yahoo.  Of course, you're not dating your wife - you're married to her, but the principals still apply - she is still a woman and she desires a real man.

Now: here I am saying you should love and serve your wife selflessly to increase her libido.  So it sounds like this blog is about how to be super, super nice and attentive and eager to please.  This is exactly what the article says not to do!  But in fact, this blog is not about being too nice - it is not about gushing over your wife.  It is about loving her and serving her for the best interest of the family and your marriage.

How do you love and serve your wife without her thinking you are putting her on a pedestal?  Without gushing and seeming weak?  You do it with confidence.  You do it because you WANT to and NOT because you NEED to.  If you need your wife, you are not going to attract her.  If you WANT your wife, she will love it.

The difference?  Be nice but be strong.  Stand up for yourself.  Do not be afraid to stand up for your rights and your feelings.  Do it with stern strength, yet in an adult manner.  No name calling - no screaming - no fits.  Be an adult.  Be a man.  The Yahoo article says to value and respect yourself - very sound advice.

If you feel insecure at times, it's ok, it happens - but don't cling to her - don't let it show as insecurity.  If it's something she is doing wrong or unfair to you, talk to her and tell her that you don't like it.  Tell her you want her to stop it. Tell her you want her to respect your feelings as you respect hers.  Do it with confidence.  Stick up for yourself. 

Women hate clingy men.  If you give her some space, and just enjoy yourself (still doing some nice things, but not seeking validation for it), she will come back to you.  Why - because she will be attracted to your strength - and you will be doing things out of want, not need.

I asked my wife if I was too nice (and trust me: I do a lot of nice things for her).  She said no.  Why?  She said it was because I was confident and strong.  She said I do nice things with confidence.  I don't need to do nice things - I want to do nice things because I like to.  I do not need her to validate me, I am validated internally (that's what I show, but sometimes... you know...). 

So - do you want to be attractive to her?  Do you want her to want you?  Don't need her; WANT her.  Be strong, stick up for yourself, be confident.  And keep loving and serving her.  She'll desire you more than ever.

 So: how can this little stamp be considered romantic?  Good question.

Yesterday, I was talking with Dawn about her new natural baby products website.  She already had two orders for cloth diapers and was excited about it.  She wanted to ship the product out in used packaging as a part of her recycling efforts.  I mentioned that I thought the packaging looked really unprofessional - it had old tape on it and you could see where the old label had been peeled off.  Then I said "it'd be cool if you had a stamp that said ‘Recycled Packaging."  She agreed.

Later I had to run some errands and do some shopping.  I took some extra time and went to the local Staples office supply store.  I searched for a stamp she could use.  Turns out they had nothing - but they make custom stamps.  So for $19.00 I had them make a "RECYCLED PACKAGING" stamp.  It took about 20 minutes - during which time I bought some office supplies I thought would be useful for Dawn's business.

When I got home, I surprised her with the stamp.  Lots of hugs and kisses ensued.  She said "that's so romantic!"  I thought: "huh?"

But now I understand.  I listened to her.  I knew her new business was really important to her.  I took some time to do something just for her.  I brought home something I had to have made just for her.  I was thoughtful and did it right away "just because."  She did not have to ask.  I did not put it off or wait until the thought had vanished.  I did it right when the thought and need was in the present. 

She was thrilled.  And she uses the stamp all the time now.  It just goes to show that romance is not always hat we men think it is.  Romance is more than flowers and dinners and baths.  Romance is how you love your wife and how you treat her every single day. 

Each day wake up and ask yourself this question: "What can I do today to make my wife smile?  What can I do to make her day a little better?"

Actually, the flowers are not the main point of my romance endeavors today, but since a really nice bouquet of flowers is really expensive, I thought I'd also share a little tid-bit to save you some money in your next romantic endeavor.

The problem is that the pre-arranged flowers from the grocery store, although they will work for last minute romance, look kind of cheap.  They have that funky colored paper around them and sticky price tags that you have to cut out of the plastic wrapping (not very romantic looking).  I usually take them out of the cheap wrapping and put them in a vase before presenting them to my wife for a romantic surprise.

Here's what you do to save money and end up with a quality romantic flower bouquet:

Go to the local mid to high end grocery store - one with a floral counter - get a nice big pre-arranged bunch and take it to the floral counter.  Buy a couple of green fern stems and ask the person at the counter to re-wrap them in clear plastic (with the additional fern stems in back) and tie a matching bow around them.  Also ask for the new price tag separately - go and pay while the clerk does the wrapping.

Today's bouquet ended up being a really big bunch - it covered half my coffee table.  The cost: $14.99 + 1.00 for the fern + 1.00 for the re-wrap and bow.  At a florist, this size bouquet would easily cost about $50.00.

The result (the pic doesn't do the flowers justice):

It put a smile on her face!  Oh - and what did I do for Dawn today?  I had the day off and didn't tell her.  Before lunch I told her to go to a nice sushi place near her work for a surprise.  Since I am normally at my office about 25 miles away from her work, she assumed I had arranged for a friend of hers to meet her for lunch.  When she got there I was waiting with the giant bouquet of flowers.  Nice surprise.  We had a great romantic lunch!

After much debate I have decided to add a section with explicit sexual tips for husbands.  Each time I add an article to this new section, I will add a short post like this on the main page.  this section goes into explicit details, so if you're not comfortable reading material of an adult nature, please do not view it.

The first addition to the explicit sexual tips section is some tips on [LINK REMOVED].

Please let me know your thoughts on this new section - I hope it is helpful to you and not offensive.

You met your wife for a reason.  You married her for a reason.  In marriage, you will learn more about yourself and more about letting go of selfish ways than almost anything else in life.  The only time you will learn more is when you have children.

So if you are wondering why your wife may not be as sexual, romantic and passionate as when you first met, consider how you have changed.  Have you become more or less selfish?  Trust me: I was a pretty selfish person before I got married.  Of course I was, it was just me - everything I did was in my best interest.  The old "look out for number one" attitude.  Yes, I did nice things for others, but at the end of the day, it was about me.  Most men are in the same boat.

Enter a wonderful wife.  What happens when you are no longer able to look out for number one?  What happens when you have to consider another person's feelings before your own?  Many times the answer is simple: resentment.

You may have had all kinds of expectations: lots of sex all the time, a hot meal every night, few arguments since you are the head of the household.  All those expectations you had were really premeditated resentments.  Then reality hits - jobs, chores, responsibilities.  And you find that your wife is tired at the end of the day - as are you.  When she doesn't meet the standards you had imagined in your mind, you end up disappointed.  So - you can go two ways:

1. You can be the husband that talks to his friends about "the ol' ball and chain."
2. You can be the husband who always puts his wife in a good light and longs to get home to see her.

The difference between 1 and 2 above is summed up in one word: choice.  If you choose to hold onto your expectations and resentments, then you will always feel trapped and tied down - the ball and chain.  But if you choose to let go and see your wife as the person God paired you with to teach you and help you grow into a better person - and you accept her as an individual with needs only you can meet, then you can feel honored to have such an opportunity. 

It is when you take the gift that has been given to you and cherish her and love her that you will begin to grow.  It is when you start dwelling each day on how you can make her life better - how you can make her smile - that you will reap the rewards of a fulfilling marriage.  When you love her and accept her in this way, she will want to meet your needs.  She will become more attracted to you and more intimate with you.  Her emotional libido will soar and her sex drive will kick into high gear.

Is this an easy thing to do?  No.  You never learn when something is handed to you - you only learn and grow through effort and self sacrifice.  But when you get there, you will find that your marriage will be more passionate and fulfilling than you ever thought possible.  You will be the husband who longs to see his wife at the end of the day - and she will long to see you.  I believe this is what God intends for marriage - it's time to accept your wife as His gift to you and cherish her.

For this romantic idea, if you have children, wait until they are in bed – if not, then any time will work – but after dinner is best, IMO.  Go get some kind of “romantic” snack – something like strawberries and chocolate syrup, in separate bowls so she can dip if she likes.  If she likes wine, have some of her favorite wine in a glass for her – think of what she likes – you are romancing her, not yourself.

Then when you are about to sit down to watch TV, suggest that you leave it off (or turn it off, if it’s on). Tell her you would love to just sit and chat and you have a little surprise for her.  Go outside if it’s nice, or find a comfortable place to relax in the house – but not the bedroom.  Bring out the snack and drinks on a tray and then just chat.  Ask her about her day.  Let her vent, if she needs to.  Listen to her.  Compliment her.

This is not about sex – it is about romance.  Romance is about building a connection with your wife.  Remember, women find the act of relating to each other emotionally more important than relating physically.  But keep in mind: when your wife feels a closer connection to you, her desire for you will eventually soar.

Simple, but Romantic, Broiled Salmon

You want to romance your wife?  Nothing says I love you better than food.  Oh wait - that's for men.  For women, it's different: romance to her is when you think of her and do something romantic for her that takes some effort.  This kind of romance will make her feel loved and will fill her emotional libido - and, in this case, her belly, too.

You will need:

Fresh salmon fillets
Four small cans of chicken broth
Fresh French bread
A bagged salad

Stick the salmon in a baking dish (like Corning ware) with a lid / tin foil over the top, pour the chicken broth in until it is just over the top of the salmon and put it in the oven at 375 degrees for 45 minutes.  Set the timer.

About 5 minutes before the fish is done, toss the salad in a bowl and mix it up.

The salmon will turn out perfect - make sure it's cooked by cutting a thick part of it and checking to see that there is no clear gooeyness in the middle.  It should be tender and juicy.

Set the table, put the salmon on a serving plate (minus the broth), the salad, and the bread on the table.  Don't forget something to drink.

Viola!  A romantic dinner with about 10 minutes of work!  She'll love it (provided she likes salmon).

And as always include candles or dimmed light and some nice calm background music.

Romantic Flowers on the Bed

Some time tonight, get some romantic flowers - nothing expensive, just something colorful and romantic.  Keep them in some water and keep them hidden (like in the garage or something - but make it someplace cool).

Now to romance her: in the morning, wake up early, cut the flowers off the stems and scatter them on the bed (around her pillow and along the sides of her body).  Then just go about your morning.  When she wakes she will be surprised and happy with her romantic surroundings (just make sure she's not allergic to the flowers - HA!).

She'll feel special and she'll feel loved.

"Women are emotionally based" - sounds obvious, but it's deeper than you think.  You may have noticed that your wife is an "emotional being".  Most women are.  So of course, you need to be sensitive to her needs and not slam her, for example, like you and the guys do to each other.  But it runs deeper than that.  Women use emotion, not logic, when responding to almost any given situation.

I don't know how many times I have been dumbfounded by Dawn's reactions to certain things.  For example, we both love the movie "Fight Club" (yeah, she's pretty cool).  Well: the first time we saw it, she commented that it had some really cool philosophical statements - it was pretty deep for a movie about fighting.  I totally agreed.  Fast forward 6 months... I was watching Fight Club again - but she was working on the computer.  I made the same comment.  She looked at me and said "psssh, whatever."  She was serious - this movie was not deep and not cool.  I was sitting there thinking "Are you the same person?!"  Wisely, I said nothing - let it slide.  Then fast forward another three months - we watched it together again - and guess what?  She said "This movie is cool - it's pretty deep."  AAAAAA!

What happened?  Either she's a little psycho or she's emotionally based.  Since I don't ever find knives under her pillow, I can rule out psycho.  ;-)   So - the first time, she was totally involved in the movie and her emotions were aligned with it - she was into it.  The second time, it was background noise - she was a little annoyed with it.  No positive comments allowed with negative emotions.  The third time, again she was into it. 

This happens all the time and it causes a lot of unnecessary conflict in relationships.  Have you ever asked your wife about something and got a negative response - but then later it changes into a positive?  We all have.  Confusing?  Yes.  Unexpected?  No.  Instead of getting mad and arguing the point until you are both frothing at the mouth, give her some time.  Let it sink in.  Let her mood change.  Then re-visit the subject.  You may have to try a couple of times.  Of course, many times it will change.  Then get it in writing (just kidding) - but do make sure you are both clear: repeat the agreement and that you are both on the same page. 

Do NOT expect her to be logical like you - God wired her different from you, it's perfectly normal and it's ok.  Remember: if your wife is stressed, annoyed or angry, it will be like Calvin and Hobbs' "Opposite Day".  Everything will be different later - just don't shove it down her throat - give her space and a little time.  Less conflict means she will be happier and you will be closer.  Happy and closer means she will be in the mood more frequently.  Thus understanding her and how to work with her emotional reactions will improve your sex life.

What you watch on TV and at the movies has an effect on you and your wife.  For example: if you and your wife spend time in front of the TV watching violent shows, your wife is far less likely to be in the mood for romance later.  In fact, one study showed that two thirds of women surveyed were not interested in snuggling in bed - let alone anything more - after watching a violent show.

Save the scary and violent movies to watch with the guys - and spend more time watching comedy or drama with your wife.  Of course, you could shock her and watch a romantic "chick flick" together.  Be sure to pull her close and let her snuggle up to you. After watching a comedy or romance movie, she will be much more likely to be romantic later. 

Perhaps more importantly: notice how you are affected by what you watch.  For example, watching images of sexy women may be enjoyable, but it begins to set a standard in your mind.  In your mind you will find yourself automatically comparing your wife to those air brushed, computer enhanced, perfectly lighted, $1000 hair-do,  team of makeup artist-worked-on-her-for-two-hours super hot sexy girls on film and in magazines.  Talk about setting up unrealistic expectations! 

When your mind sees your wife compared to unreal (literally unreal) beauty, you may find yourself wondering "what if" or "I wish".  The fact is your wife can tell when you're looking at her and thinking about ways she could change by comparing her to someone else. How can she tell?  Most women already compare themselves to other women.  They do it constantly and they can tell when you do it.  She can feel you comparing her to others in your mind, validating her insecurities about how she looks. This is nothing but destructive to her libido and self image. This does not help your wife feel sexy, loved or wanted. 

How do you make her feel sexy, loved and wanted? When you look at her, look only at her.  Don't be thinking about someone else.  Let her know you accept her for her true beauty, not the unrealistic beauty put forth by the media and movie industry.  Accept her 100%. Focus on her - don't drift.  Be with her 100%.  She is your wife.  Those other impossible beauties are not.  Make your wife happy and secure.  She will reciprocate, trust me.