Make Her Feel Beautiful – and She Will Feel More Sexy

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If you want your wife to be open with her sexual desires and if you want her to be sexual, then she needs to feel beautiful and sexy.  Even if she is a classically beautiful fashion model, she may not feel it inside.  Some of the most beautiful women in the world are not happy with themselves – thus all the plastic surgery in Hollywood.  If she is not beautiful in the classic sense of the "world" then she is certainly beautiful to you.  So how do you make her feel beautiful?

From the Heart

First off: tell her – from the heart.  How?  Stop and look at her some time.  Pick your favorite part of her – it could be physical, like her eyes – or it could be something like the way she laughs.  Then think about how beautiful that is to you – internalize it.  Then take her by the hand, look into her eyes and take that internalization and express it – say: "you know… you have really pretty eyes" or "your laugh is so beautiful to me."  Since it is from the heart, she will melt.  Be sincere.  Be honest.

Dwell on Her Beauty

Start to dwell on the beauty you find in her.  Think about the things that are beautiful and that you appreciate about her.  Dream about her.  Love her in your mind and in your heart.  Then tell her about it:

  • Send her a card
  • Send her a random e-mail
  • Look into her eyes and tell her. 
  • When you wake in the middle of the night, whisper it to her with a light kiss. 
  • Note: Keep in mind – you are not going to do this all the time – just a couple times a week.  Otherwise, it will be overwhelming.

Her Reactions

Do not be afraid.  If she reacts oddly, it may be because you are doing this out of character.  Then just tell her that you are making some changes in yourself.  Tell her you just want to start really appreciating her.  No matter her response, just keep doing it.

I've heard about some women who end up laughing – because of the shock of drastic change.  If this happens to you, just roll with it – it is kind of funny to have such drastic changes.  But keep doing it; and the laughs will turn into hugs; and the hugs into kisses; and the passion will grow.  (If she does not come around after a while, she may have something holding her back – you may need some outside help)

But for the most part, the jaws will drop; the tears of joy will well; the embrace will ensue; the kisses will be passionate; and the passion will grow.

Posted in Female Libido | 5 Comments

Female Libido Explained – Make Her Libido Thrive

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When dealing with the female libido, we men have a hard time thinking outside of our paradigm.  If you start touching your wife, you think she should respond the way you would if she touches you.  But the female libido does not work this way.

If you're sitting on the couch and your wife suddenly slides her hand to your inner thigh and onward, you're probably going to be ready to drop everything, take her to the bedroom (or just start wherever you are) and make love with her.  That's sums it up for many men.  Men have about two buttons.  Women have many more.

However, if you're watching a movie and out of the blue, YOU slide your hand up her thigh, you can bet she will be less than ready to go.  It is obviously much more complex for a woman to get turned on [more] for making love. You need to fill her needs.

The top four female libido enhancers are:

  1. Feeling loved
  2. Feeling wanted
  3. Feeling safe and secure
  4. Romantic anticipation and excitement

If you want her libido to be at a high point tonight, take care of all the above… here's what I suggest…

  1. Let her know in advance.  Be playful about it.  And exercise tact.  Start in the morning by giving her a really tender and passionate kiss good bye (not deep, just passionate).  Tell her you wish you had time to kiss her more, but you have to go – let her know that you will be thinking about her all day long.
  2. Send her a message via e-mail, cell text or IM chat.  Tell her you keep thinking about that kiss and how you look forward to seeing her tonight.  Tell her you cannot wait for the kids to go to bed.
  3. When you get home, give her another passionate kiss hello.  Try to remove as much stress factors as you can.  Remember that stress drives the female libido into the dirt.  Clean up a little – do some dishes – and make sure she sees you doing it.  But don't say a word unless she asks – then tell her you just want to make her evening a little more relaxed.
  4. Spend some time outside just talking with her.  Try not to get on work subjects or home project subjects.  Sit close to her and hold her hand.  Listen to everything she has to say.
  5. If you have kids, after they go to bed, keep the TV off – tell her you want to spend some time with her.  If she drinks wine, get a glass and invite her into the bedroom.  Chat, kiss, etc.  Don't be pushy, take time and get her really warmed up.  After a bit, she'll be taking you for a ride.

Note: remember – never have "expectations" – nothing is a sure bet.  She may have something else stressful going on in her head.  However, doing these things will bring her around eventually.  When you show disappointment, all the effort will be for nothing – she will feel like you "only did it for sex."  Do it out of love for your wife.  The sex is the icing on the cake.  Your goal is to foster the top four things her libido thrives on over the long haul: feeling loved, feeling wanted, feeling safe and secure, and romantic anticipation and excitement.  You should also feed her emotional libido to further get her libido on the rise.

Try it.  Your wife will appreciate the day long romance – and you will appreciate the spike in her libido.


Posted in Female Libido | 8 Comments

I Was Tired of Rejection

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I have heard it all: from "I have a headache" to "I'm really tired" to just plain old "I'm not in the mood".  And each time it felt like rejection.  I used to think: "I am such a looser – I even get rejected by my wife!"  It was not a good feeling.

So I'd try pouring on the romance and expect her to throw me in bed.  Did she?  No.  That made it even worse!  It felt like the ultimate rejection!  Here I was doing all this "stuff" and … nothing, nada, zip.  I had a lot of resentment and she did, too.  We couldn't understand each other.  She thought I only wanted her for sex and I thought she didn't care about me.

That was three years ago.  But now everything is different.  So – how did we get out of it?  How did we turn it around?  The truth is stranger than you think.  The truth is the opposite of what you'd expect.

But first, let's look at why she was "rejecting" me:

  • She felt an "obligation" to have sex
  • She felt pressured
  • She thought that I only wanted sex – and it didn't matter if it was her or someone else
  • She felt like an object
  • She felt unloved

But why did she feel this way?  Because of what I was doing:

  • I was putting a lot of pressure on her all the time
  • After each rejection, I would redouble my efforts – which put even more pressure on her
  • I was asking for it constantly
  • I would almost beg for it
  • I'd reason with her: "you're my wife – husbands and wives are supposed to have sex."
  • I used to guilt her: "It's been so long and I have to do ‘other things' and it sucks."

Of course, this wasn't working and we were having a lot of arguments about all kinds of stupid little things. 

We went to counseling.  We went to sex therapy. We went to Church.  We bought books like 500 Lovemaking Tips and Secrets (which is really good, by the way).  When did it really change?  It changed with Church and with MY attitude.  Yes – with my attitude.

The major turn came when I honestly stopped expecting anything.  I figured out that my best [more] intentions were actually for ME – and not really for her.  I was doing all this stuff for her – but it was really for me.  And she could practically smell it was for me.

So what did I do?

  • I began to live a more Biblical marriage
  • I began to focus away from my needs and focus on her needs
  • I started showing her real selfless love
  • I began leading the household by example
  • I started serving my wife like a husband is called to do

What did she do?

  • She felt truly loved and accepted

That's all she did – but not really.  As a result of her feeling loved without conditions, she was all over me.  She began to take a serious interest in meeting my needs.  She was free to be herself and to reflect the love I lavished upon her back onto me.

Notice: all I did was change myself.  I could not and cannot change her.  Only she can do that.  I helped to create the environment and she was able to grow, change and flourish in that environment.  And change she did – and we still both continue to change and grow closer.  Things just keep getting better and better.

So that's the secret in a nutshell.  This site is all about living this way.  It has ideas and is from the heart.  And I hope it can help make your marriage the way you want it to be. 

Posted in Female Libido, Sex | 16 Comments

What? Admit When You’re Wrong?

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This blog is about keeping the passion alive in marriage and re-igniting the passion when it is dwindling.  The best thing you can do as a husband to spark romance and, subsequently, more healthy hot sex in your marriage is to get emotionally close and connected to your wife.  Your wife needs to feel close and needs a connection – then she feels safe and secure – and she will be emotionally free to be herself, feel more sexy, want sex more and rock your world.

How do you build a close connection with your wife?  They say communication is key.  I don’t know who “they” are, but they’re right.  How you communicate is really important.  If you want to grow closer, then you need to be on the same page as your wife – or at least be able to communicate with her such that she understands where you’re coming from.

What does this have to do with admitting you’re wrong? Understanding, willingness to change and building trust.  There’s a short story behind this:

Yesterday Dawn and I almost got into a huge fight.  Why? Mis-communication.  She was asking me for help and was taking a long time to explaining all the steps she took to get to the point where she needed help.  I was busy and felt interrupted.  I also knew the solution to her problem right away.  So I’m sitting there kinda cutting her off – “uh hu.  I know.  I get it.  I know.  ok.”  You know the drill.  In my MIND I had thought “ok, hunny – you don’t need to go into all of this and I’m in the middle of something – can you stop for a moment so I can give you the help you want?”  Of course all I said was “uh hu — ok — I know.”  One of my male friends would have picked up on the queues – because men think alike.  But my wife is not a man – clearly.  :)  Women use these things called “words.”  LOL

Yet, I kept going on in my head wishing she would stop.  Expecting her to be like one of my my friends and pick up on the queues – which wasn’t going to happen because women are simply wired differently.  Then it turned into “Oh my God, please stop so I can help you and get back to work!”  All in my MIND without saying a word to her.  So when I got frustrated with her and did say something abruptly, she naturally got defensive. Then I got defensive in return.  Etc., etc.

It was getting ready to spiral into a fight about “you always do this” and “oh yeah, well you always do that and I didn’t do anything wrong” and then then door slams, etc.  But I’ve been working on MYSELF.  So in the midst of being pretty frustrated (you know – the hot flash and the hair on your neck standing up) – I listened to the quiet voice inside.  “Calm down and see what’s really happening.”

After I explained to her what I was feeling, she helped me realize that I had only “thought” about what needed to be done and “thought” about the fact that she didn’t need to go into a long story… guess what?  It was time for me to say “I was wrong – I admit it.  I didn’t explain to you what I was thinking.  I can understand why you got defensive.  I’m sorry.”  Now, that wasn’t so bad.  The build up to a big argument and a crappy day was diffused and we had a pretty good day.

I agreed to take time to express the thoughts in my head – and in return I asked her to agree that in the future, if I let her know I am busy and she doesn’t need to tell the whole story, that she would try not to get offended.  She agreed.

What did we do?  We built on our communication skills.  We built trust.  We grew a little closer.  So: if you’re not communicating in a way your wife understands, admit it and change your approach.  You will be glad you did and your marriage will get a lot better – and, over time, a lot hotter, if you know what I mean.  ;)

Posted in Communication | Leave a comment

Conflict in Marriage

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When you have two people living together and sharing everything, you are going to have conflict.  It is unavoidable.  However, conflict degenerating into a knock down drag out fight is completely avoidable.  It is all in how you react.  Not how she reacts – only you.  You cannot control her – you can only control yourself.

The last time I had a fight with Dawn was when I was mad about her not doing something she always asks me to do.  And when I brought it up, she got defensive and irritated about it.  My “fairness meter” was buzzing like crazy – it’s a trigger point with me.

So there I was – mad about an apparent injustice and she was there being mad at ME.  Ugh!  So I’m thinking about tearing into her, yelling, stomping off, etc. etc. [more] And that calm still voice inside said “calm down, there is something else at work here.”  God was telling me to chill out and listen.  The question I asked myself was “what good will come of it?” – if I yelled, or did anything rash, that is.  The answer: NOTHING good.

“…everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…”
James 1:19

So I waited and I listened.  And after we talked and talked, I discovered that she was feeling like she had nothing to herself at all – and it had been frustrating her for quite some time.  I was feeling the same way!  No space, no computer, no bathroom, no sink – nothing was our own.  And she wanted to be able to have a place or thing that she could leave in any state she cared to without having to worry about me.

Of course, we are married, so that is a hard thing to find – your own space.  But it is important.  After all, “one flesh” does not mean “one person”.  We are two different people, so we need some things or spaces we can call our own.

So – by waiting and asking “what good will come of it?” – I avoided a big fight and discovered a need that my loving wife has – as well as the same need in me.  So we are working on creating space for the individuals in the house – as well as the couple.  This how we made a positive outcome from conflict in marriage.

Posted in Communication | 3 Comments